see url By: Laila McCutcheon
I needed a good laugh today, so i just goggled it. These are some of the funnier ones I saw.
1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
2. ”I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.”
3. ”Dyslexic man walks into a bra”
4. ”I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, ”How flexible are you?” I said, ”I can’t make Tuesdays”
5. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
6. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
7. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ”Is this some kind of joke?”
8. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ”Sorry we don’t serve food in here”
9. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ”Did you get my drift?”.
10. I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ”Your eyes sparkle like diamonds”. I said, ”Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck”.