College admissions are training me to be a stalker

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Graphic by: John-Patrick Thomas

buy accutane online ireland For those blissfully unaware of the college process or have been out of the game long enough, I am here to tell you, there has been a change in the transition of education requirements: colleges now desire stalkers for their incoming class. Shocked? Well, gone are the days where quirky personalities and meeting your deadlines are enough, now colleges want full blown stalker students. Don’t believe it? The list of requirements for a perfect graduating class are as follows:

  1. A high GPA
  2. Good scores on AP or IB tests
  3. Glowing teacher recommendation letters
  4. Not being lazy senior year
  5. Proof of leadership through club activities
  6. MUST HAVE PROFICIENT STALKER TECHNIQUES

Of course no college would list number 6 explicitly. No, the stalker requirement for applying students is an unspoken rule. You know to not kick the airplane seat in front of you without anyone telling you, or you know that there must be one urinal of space for going to the men’s bathroom; it’s much similar to this idea of knowing but no one saying. It’s a code that no one has written down or bothered to talk about, but expects everyone to abide by it. So for any¬†school a student will apply to, whether it be a small liberal arts school or a famous engineering school, they expect their prospective students to have excellent stalker abilities.

Be forewarned. There is also a secret language that college, college admissions, use specifically, that students must know specifically prior to interviews and college visits. The only issue is that you learn the language by attending the previously mentioned interviews and/or college. It’s like like trying to find a key to a lock you don’t know the appearance of. You only know that you need this key to get through the lock to help you on your way to college. But it’s okay. Many schools track what is called “demonstrated interest” meaning if you’re already attempting to learn this code and the fact that you’re aware said code even exists, you’re already ahead than those who don’t. Even more so, this article will disclose such information for the help of those that have not cracked the code to help you out. Some examples of secret questions include:

“What else can you tell me about yourself?” translates to “Tell me something interesting that isn’t the same thing I’ve heard from all the other candidate’s applications.”

“Why did you apply to this college?” translates to “I’m deliberately testing your knowledge of the campus.”

“Is there anything else you’d like to say?” translates to “I’m seeing how much you actually found in the world of the internet. Impress me with your stalker skills. You have two minutes…go!”

 

What many prospective college students don’t realize is that although they are responsible for understanding the college admission’s code, they also have to be cognizant of what they’re saying at the risk of mistranslation. A few questions you ask about the college might mean something else to them. Some examples are listed below:

“I really like your campus architecture and I absolutely¬†LOVE the weather there” tells the college admissions, “I didn’t really do any research on this college and am saying the most basic facts that can apply to any college. I LOVE to sound like a general catalog ad.’

“Where are you located?” tell the colleges’ admissions, “I’m using this opportunity just to skip class because I can’t be bothered to even know the basic facts of where my ‘dream’ college is located.”

“No, I don’t have any further questions,” tells the college admissions, ” I didn’t really prepare for this interview and didn’t really go into this with questions since your college isn’t the top one on my list. But you’re totally my safety school!”

 

The bottom line, whether you study this code with flashcards or you wing it the day of, students must do their research for the colleges they’re serious about. They must go beyond the first home page of the website. Look at YouTube videos of current students and their current experience at the college. Ask some of your friends that had graduated a few years ago and see how they’ve acclimated to the college. Colleges at the end of the day, want an individual they know that can add to their community. If they show that they’ve done their research and have shown their commitment, the student will have a much higher chance of being considered. At the end of the day, after the applying process, the nerve racking waiting period, the first day, getting through freshman year, and eventually graduating, students will have come out a professional stalker. All because of College Admissions.

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