The holidays are sort of a weird time for me. Usually people feel unified, joyful, or any number of other positive emotions, most of which are associated with family.
Personally, I just feel stuck. Stuck between two worlds.
My parents have been divorced longer than they were ever married. I was born, they got married out of obligation and then divorced essentially a year later. I haven’t ever really experienced a Christmas or 4th of July where my whole family was together. My parents didn’t exactly divorce on amicable terms so that’s never been a possibility for us.
I wonder sometimes: what is that like? How does it feel to feel settled amongst your family members, never wondering what the other half is doing or if they’re lonely? What do you do for holidays other than spend the day after Christmas driving for hours or rushing to the airport to make a flight to the other family’s home for your spring break?
Maybe one day i’ll know. As for now, I can’t remember which parent I spent which holiday with, and I need to figure it out soon.